TED Talk Tuesday #261 – Does working hard really make you a good person?

TED continues to spread ideas and help us all be better critical thinkers. Watching, listening and talking about TED Talks is a popular pastime for many in the CN&CO community. We visit TED.com regularly to clear our heads, have a laugh, learn or get inspired. TED Talks open our minds, spark new ways of thinking and can lead to some very interesting conversations and business opportunities. Each week we pick a favourite and publish it on a Tuesday, because we like how “TED Talk Tuesday” sounds. It’s also a way that the CN&CO team play their part in spreading ideas and helping to make the world a better place.

I picked this talk because the idea of working hard and still being able to show up for my kids, my husband, my community, often leaves me feeling like I am NOT winning at life.

In my 20s and early 30s, work and building a career was like a drug that I just couldn’t get enough of. The satisfaction from a job well done, from being the last person in the building and having a well-earned glass of wine with the other hard workers still slaving away until 7pm, was really what gave me enormous satisfaction and joy. Working my way up the ladder, succeeding and winning was so much a part of who I was. It gave me a rush, and a reason to spring out of bed in the mornings.

And then life changed. Quickly. From a high-earning, sought after marketer who proved time and again that I could get the job done brilliantly, to motherhood. I had three children in three years and somewhere along the line my life changed dramatically.

I had to learn how to work effectively. How to get work done on the teensiest amount of time possible. I still succeeded. I still managed to get through it. Most of the time. But it was a lonelier experience. I worked alone, from home, running from baby feeding to meal prepping, to school pickups to throwing stones with my toddler into the local dam for an hour to quickly responding to 25 emails to bath time.

I have spent the past seven years trying hard to convince myself that I am still earning my keep, that I am still a contributing member of society, that I am enough. But it’s not easy.

My husband Simon recently spent six days working from home while he was moving offices. After that week he went on a business trip and sent me voice note. The message was one of immense gratitude and respect for me. That I am able to still function at all with the interruptions and stop/start environment that working from home with three young kids brings. For the first time I felt validated. I felt like something clicked. I felt like I am maybe, just maybe, not living in denial; that I am actually still contributing, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Being a mum brings me enormous joy. I love being a GREAT mother. I invest heavily in it. I read, I research, I think about each child individually and what they need more of, less of… it comes naturally. I am a great member of the PTA at my kids’ school. I give tirelessly of my time and expertise, it comes naturally. But working, reaching deadlines, impressing clients, producing the goods… is still hard from home, its not natural. I am working harder than I ever have before, but somehow, I don’t feel like I am achieving as much as I did when all I had to do was my job.

I guess this TED Talk about why we have this engrained need in society, across all cultures, to work hard, to praise hard work, to trust colleagues who work hard, gave me another small bit of validation that output matters more than the hours or the ferociousness of your effort.

But of course, that little devil of a voice that says, “you are not doing enough, you are not earning enough to contribute to the family, you are not enough”, still has its say… and I continue valiantly to try and knock its shitty little socks off.

Watch the TED Talk below:

Josie has a brilliant marketing brain, an infectious laugh and a heart of gold. Strong problem-solving skills, diplomacy and getting things done are among her many talents. She is also a brilliant mum to three gorgeous children.

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