I wish someone had told me how quickly you forget about the things you love when you lose someone

It’s been about 10 years since I had a real chat with my mum. Before she initiated a hug, or asked me how I am.

Over the ten years, as she has succumbed more and more to Alzheimer’s, I have felt every emotion in the book! Highs, lows, anger, loss, frustration, fear, insecurity, luck… you name it, me and my therapists have been through it all.

But I guess the one thing I never really bargained on was forgetting. Forgetting her smell, the way she made me feel, her wisdom, the memories… I thought those would just be with me forever. But I find myself searching harder and harder for the feeling of her.

I wish I had taken notes. I wish I had written things down while they were still fresh. My children are going to ask me more and more about a granny that they never got to love, and I just feel the memories slipping away.

So, I wish someone had told me, maybe forced me or even better, helped me, to write them down. So maybe the lesson is this. If you have someone close to you, who loses someone they love, perhaps the best gift you can give them in their grief is the memoirs of that person. Sit with them, on the beach, over the phone, with wine, coffee or tea, record their fondest memories while they are still so fresh. The recording to play later to children, sisters, husbands will be absolutely priceless and perhaps the best gift to give someone who is suffering a loss.